Adult Teachable Moments

Role and Identity

Feb 21

by Crystal Shepherd

Who am I? It’s a question many of us ask during our lifetimes. The question often comes up when we find ourselves at a crossroads, an event or crisis that causes us to examine our lives in a new way. In that examination, we sometimes use the roles we play to define ourselves—parent, friend, doctor, writer, Christian—the list could go on and on. A year ago, life circumstance brought me to a crossroads, and I began to examine my life in earnest. In the process, I realized that throughout my life I had often defined myself by my achievements. I was a straight-A student in seminary, a youth minister building a youth program in a suburban ministry, and a dedicated wife and daughter. With the arrival of my first child, I took on the additional role of mother.

Motherhood proved a joy, but it was also a challenge. Caring for a newborn was tougher than I imagined. And the sleepless nights just added to the difficulty. In the midst of these changes and challenges, my daughter decided she did not want to follow the convention of taking a bottle. Suffice it to say, she needed me to be handy 24/7 to meet her need for nourishment. It was during this stage that I really began to take a close look at myself and my roles in life. School had to be put on hold and I left my ministry position to stay at home. In a moment (or so it seemed), all the ways I had previously validated myself disappeared. I questioned my identity and purpose. My plans and what I thought was my life had to be postponed. I was left wondering how to define myself and who I was to others. Boom, instant identity crisis!

If we look deep down, almost all of us have asked similar questions at one time or another, even if the catalysts were completely different. The rug has been pulled out from under us and we are lying flat on our backs looking up at the ceiling wondering what happened and why we hadn’t seen it coming. I recently read a familiar Scripture passage that seems to address how Jesus dealt with the question of identity. In Matthew 4, Jesus has just been baptized. The sky opens and the heavenly voice declares that he is the Son of God! Then it’s off to the wilderness for a time of testing. It is here that the identity crisis could unfold. What struck me about this is that as the tempter is baiting Jesus, he says, “If you are the Son of God…” It seems that the temptations do not only lure Jesus to individual sins, but also to prove his identity. Jesus could have caved under the pressure or even questioned his being. He was, after all, human. Instead of buckling, Jesus answers each temptation with Scripture. In each answer, Jesus points back to God. When Jesus’ identity was challenged, he turned to God. Perhaps we should do the same.

I am happy to say that one of the many lessons of parenthood is that I cannot define myself by my achievements alone. Having those things stripped away enabled me to look beyond them to my true identity. Colossians 3:3 says, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Though I may have many roles in life, who I am is defined by God and no other.

Questions for Reflection
• Have you ever questioned your identity? If so, what was the situation that led to that questioning?
• What are some roles or things that have defined your sense of self?
• How do you think God sees you?
• What is your identity in Christ?